“A baby does not stop a thing but your period, so mama let’s start setting your goals today and take action steps towards achieving your goals tomorrow”

Hey Mama,

Are you dealing with mom guilt, afraid of what family members, friends or society will think about you for putting your mom duties to the side to cater to your own needs? Or are you a mom that feels mommy guilt because you already believe you are not doing enough as a mom and taking time out to pour into yourself is more time you could have invested in being a mom? If this is you, I want you to know that you are not alone. In fact, research has reported that 94 percent of moms feel mom guilt. Including me! 

My mommy guilt shows up when my child does not agree with my parenting style. Her mean mug after giving her emotionally sound instructions pierces into my soul and makes me feel like a bad mom! …and well that side of my mommy guilt needs to be resolved by having me stop trying to be a perfect mom, especially since there is no such thing as perfect anything.

However, when it comes to setting personal and professional goals for myself that would benefit me and the well-being of my family, I have NEVER felt mom guilt, and this may not be your story. So, hopefully this blog helps change the narrative to push you towards living your best life and doing so guilt free! 

What Does Living Your Best Life Look Like?

Living your best life looks different for different people. You will need to take some time to soul search to discover what living your best life looks like for you.

For me, it was going to college and getting a degree so I can create a better life for me and my family financially while also doing what I love to do, which is helping other people. Along this pursuit, I had to make a lot of decisions and sacrifices that ultimately placed me in a position to feel the burning sensation of mom guilt (and I will explain below what caused my mom guilt and how I overcame it). 

 Story Time

Over a decade ago I was a teenager that was entering parenthood. I was 17 years old and had just graduated from high school when I found out I was expecting my first child. As excited as I was to become a mom, family members were not as excited about the news. To them I was a walking statistic, and they could not fathom the idea of me making a life altering decision to not terminate my pregnancy and raise my child as a child myself.

In other words, as a teenage parent, I was more likely to have my second child within 24 months of my first baby, more likely to remain unwed by the father of my child, and experience poverty (i.e., be on welfare). All in which I have experience as a teenage single mom. However, I did not dwell on my experience and circumstances. After years of chasing after the wrong thing like a man, I soon recognized my own needs and began to set personal and professional goals for myself that would ultimately promote a healthier wellbeing not only for myself but also for my child. 

Type of Goals:

Majority of the goals I set were stability goals such as:

  •  Housing 
  • Financial 
  • Spiritual 
  • Family 
  • Health 
  • Career 
  • Educational 

 From Experience

As a teenage girl who had just graduated from High school, I was expected to attend college that upcoming Fall Quarter! However, with my unplanned teenage pregnancy, it was assumed that I could not raise a baby and attend college to obtain my degree. Research says less than 2% of teen moms earn a college degree by age 30.

In spite of that, at 28 years old, I obtained two associate degrees and at 31 I obtained my Bachelor degree in Sociology with a minor in Black Studies. 

…and for some reason I just could not stop there so mid-way through my LAST semester of college I decided to apply to Grad School to obtain my MSW (Master of Social Work). This accomplishment took me to balance work life, family life, and personal life. It is challenging but it is doable.

In this journey did I have mommy guilt? Absolutely! There were plenty of times when screen time was my child’s babysitter to complete assignments and study for exams. However, during my “mom guilt” moments I had to remind myself that there was more quality time spent with my daughter creating a memorable childhood for her. I am so grateful that I have taken photos and recorded our adventures because sometimes life moves  so quickly that it becomes easy to forget about all the quality time you all have spent together especially since the mom guilt only remembers the moments you said no, not right now, go watch TV, or here’s the tablet. 

So, if you are dealing with mom guilt like many of us are here is how you can overcome it: 

Tone down your mom-a-holic lifestyle

Does it make you any less of a mom when you choose to also focus on your own needs, and goals? Absolutely not! While there ain’t no hood like motherhood, I want you to know that you have an identity outside of mom. I want you to take this time to think about who you were before you became a mom! What were your goals and dreams before you became a mom and placed yourself on the back burner? Catering to your own needs and aspirations does not equate to abandoning your duties as a mother. It makes you a woman that desires growth and with self-growth you should not feel guilty about it and it damn sure does not make you a bad mom. In fact, self-discovery, self-growth and going after your dreams makes you inspiring!

Remember that you are an inspiration!

Going after your goals and accomplishing them makes you a great mom because you are being a role model to your children, teaching them to set goals and go after their dreams no matter what obstacles they may face in their life. Yes, that is right you are your child’s first teacher so tell me what is really “guilty” about that? …and when others do not understand what your plan really is and give unsolicited opinions you tell them this is your journey, and you are the perfect parent for your child. 

Concluding how to overcome mom guilt

It is no secret that raising a child as a single parent demands your time, attention, space, resources, and sacrifice. Let us face it, the only time you might get a break from your child is when you are at work and even work may not be a guaranteed safe space to be child free! So, this begs the question, when would you possibly have time for your own needs, personal care including setting and achieving your goals? In my book Miss Godssip Girl, a prayer journal for single moms I share tips on how to set goals and accomplish them as well as finding your life’s purpose. Girl listen, a baby does not stop a thing but your period so mama let’s start setting your goals today and take action steps towards achieving your goals tomorrow. 

…and in case you are wondering: You are doing more than enough as a mother and your children see you and are grateful for all of your efforts, literally everything that you have done so far and will do in the future. However, as a woman it’s also  a must to take care of your own needs as well because one day you will be empty nested and I wouldn’t feel right if I allowed  you to live a life where you become resentful towards yourself thinking about all the things you could have done, would have done or should have done. As of right now I declare you to be free from your mom-a-holic lifestyle. You and your kid(s) will thank you later. 

Peace, love and Ta’Reese!

About the Author

Ta’Reese Womack was born and raised in Oakland, Ca. She accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior at the age of 7 years old. She was baptized at her Grandfather Bishop W.C. McClinton church on 37th street in Oakland.

She started writing creative stories and poetry as early as 8 years old. Ta’Reese love to write, and everyone who reads her writings enjoys them because of her creativity and inspiration. Being that Ta’Reese is an introvert, writing has been the best way for her to communicate and reach people.

Ta’Reese became a mom at 18 years old. It was at this age she began to see and experience the real world and all its struggles. Through all the housing and financial hardship she faced while taking care of her daughter, Ta’Reese overcame by being determined to get her life together for her and her daughter.

Ta’Reese has received her Associate in Arts degree in Liberal Arts (Emphasis in Social and Behavioral Sciences) and Sociology. She plans to obtain her Bachelor degree at CSU East Bay in Hayward, Ca.

Ta’Reese uses her life experiences through writing to encourage single moms that they too can break through their current situation. Since 2020, Ta’Reese graduated from being a single mom of one to a wife and mother of three.